FREE BIRD

Well, my husband gets outta jail tomorrow. K*** is excited to see her daddy. She is ready to go to bed so that we can get up early and go and get him. I am glad he is getting out but I really don't want the schedule that I have my kids on to get screwed up. So, he will be warned tomorrow that they are on a good schedule that they need to stay on! I think I have done pretty damn well since he has been gone. I thought at first that I wouldn't be able to do it by myself but I was surprised, I've done great although I get a little tired every now and then.

I went to the doctor the other day and found out that my lymph nodes are still enlarged and that the sarcoid is the reason, also that my thyroid problem is also probably affected by the sarcoid. I am feeling a whole lot better almost back to my old self but I think that is the anti- depressants working. I still am fatigued and have the pains under my ribs, but I will be just fine.

I have also decided to go back to college. I might as well since I really can't do to much else and I did love to go to college. I love history. Hopefully I can get a degree and start teaching history. I learned the love for history at the first college I attended and also when I visited Washington DC with my mom on vacation. It is time for me to do something that I would love to do and I don't think that a teaching job would be to strenuos and hard on me as long as I feel the way I do now I know can do it and that is what I am going to keep telling myself is that I know I can do it.

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right-Henry Ford

DUCT TAPE

My son can break into or escape from anything. He can open fridges, cabinet doors, closet doors, and the worse thing is that he is opening and shutting the oven door! He opens closet doors, curio cabinets and likes to turn the TV on and off and reset all of the settings on it through the menu buttons. WoW! Only 18 months old and can already program a TV. He is getting to be a little terror! I have a baby gate up to our kitchen (to keep him from roasting his head in the oven)and this really isn't an answer because as soon as the gate opens terror is loose! So I thought of another idea a really great idea- it works!If anyopne that reads my blog has a 18 month old terror like myself and can't afford all the baby proofing gadgets that they have out there just go to the nearest Dollar Store and buy a couple rolls of DUCT TAPE!!!!! it works. Cheap and effective. Duct tape is now a new accesory in my mothers home. It is very elegant and comes in the fancy color gray! I think they have red and blue also if you aren't a fan of gray. Anyway, there is duct tape on the refrigerator door- so that he can't pull it open and drink all the mustard like he has been doing. It is on the freezer door- because he now moves the chairs over to the fridge and gets in the freezer. There is duct tape on the cabinet doors- so he won't decide to drink some pine sol. There is duct tape on the oven door- in case he decides to cook a roast. There is duct tape on the TV buttons and the TV stand- so that he can't delete me and my mothers daily dose of Days Of Our Lives. So the duct tape pretty much works on everything!

This is the only thing that it doesn't work on !!!!!!

What in the Hell ???????

Kids are napping, so I figured I would surf the web. I came across this dog or beast whatever you wanna call it and all I could think was "What in the hell???"

He must be on steroids and have sarcoidosis. He looks the way I feel sometimes!

HATE is a strong word.

My last post I decided to do 50 things I love and this post was going to be 50 things I hate. Well, I decided that would be wrong.... I don't want to hate, so I will list things that drive me crazy or that I can't stand or that I just do not like.
HATE is a strong word.

1. Sports.
2. Being sick.
3. My husband in jail.
4. Negative people.
5. That I need to stop smoking.
6. Not being able to work.
7. Not having a vehicle.
8. Having this disease.
9. Death of loved ones.
10. Tomatoes.
11. Onions.
12. Most reality shows.
13. Being overweight.
14. Sweating.
15. Whining.
16. Worrying.
17. When my kids are sad.
18. Alcholics.
19. Drug abusers.
20. The smell of burnt beans.
21. 1981, Z28 Camaro.
22. Liars.
23. Cheaters.
24. Thiefs.
25. Unresponsible parents
26. Everything my dad has put my family through for the past 30 years.
27. That my husband cheated.
28. That I have had to make excuses for some of my husbands behavior.
29. My hair.
30. My ankles.
31. Seeing kids that are in need of love.
32. Strawberries.
33. Barney the purple dinosaur.
34. Most country music.
35. Britney Spears.
36. Mosquitos and gnats and all bugs.
37. Hollering.
38. My daughters scream.
39. Okay, this is getting hard.. I can't think of much else without getting to personal.
40. Poopy diapers.
41. My big wide ass.
42. When the swing makes that aggrevating squeaking sound.
43. Doing dishes.
44. All housework.
45. Taking my moms privacy away from her.
46. The privacy that was taken away from me.
47. LAWRENCEBURG KY.
48. The Kentucky river in TYRONE.
49. Wild Turkey Distillery.
50. My Dad.

Sheww !! finished. This is kind of a hard thing to do without getting really-really personal. I hope everyone enjoys. This was fun.

50 LOVES

I have decided to do something a little different tonight for my post. I want to get off of the hubby in jail, me being sick , whining posts and try something fun. I am going to try and write 50 things that I love and 50 things that I hate. I thought this would be a pretty good way to release a little stress and also make me do some thinking about other things that I have loved to do or would love to do again or this just may seem a little silly to everyone either way here goes.

Things I love

1. My family

2. Music (certain kinds)

3. Watch my children playing with one another

4. Being able to have days where I feel in good health

7. Driving

8. Happy kids

9. Smoking cigarettes (the reason I can't stop)

10. This big cotton comforter that my mother has

11. Sitting in the swing and having long talks with my mother

12. My back rubbed

13. My hair played with

14. My anxiety medicine (took two tonight.... I WILL SLEEP TONIGHT)

17. Hanging out with my brother when he is happy

18. Listening to music with my husband

19. Cooking

20. Petunias (hee hee)

21. Days of our Lives

22. Harry Potter books (I've read them all)

23. I loved college

24. I loved my driving job

25. When my daughter will open up to me

26. When my son won't have anything to do with anyone but me (selfish a little???)

27. The smell of my kids and my husband after they have bathed

28. History

29. Watching my babies sleep

30. Living in a safe home

31. My cat

32. Clowns

33. Laughing

34. Steaks on the grill

35. When I don't have worries

36. The fact that my great grandfather held his great great grandaughter when she was a baby

37. When time goes slow

38. When I could breathe I loved swimming

39. Winter

40. Peanut m&ms

41. The color yellow

42. Pajamas

43. New socks

44. Money

45. Johnny Depp movies

46. Pillows

47. Clean bed sheets

48. When me and my husband are happy

49. When my family is happy

50. When my kids are happy

I will post the things I hate tomorrow this took a while. I am still thinking of things that I love or have loved. Everyone should try this it makes you feel pretty darn good.

Mama, Mama, Mama !

1:30 in the morning, I can't sleep. Things are very hectic right now. I have no time to keep my blog like I was. I hope I don't ramble tonight because I am so tired. I will try and fill everyone in on things that have been going on since my last blog on July the 4th. Oh by the way Happy belated 4th everyone. I wrote in my last blog that my son has become clingy since his daddy was in jail. Well, now that was a total understatement. I now have a shadow.

Mama, mama, mama, mamaaaaa!

My mother and I were sitting on the porch swing this evening watching my kids play in the yard. I looked down at my son who was sitting on the sliding board and thought to myself that he looked really sad. I looked at my mom and said to her "they are sad aren't they?"
My son is 18 months old my daughter is 4 years old, when my daughter was 18 months old she was bouncing of walls, spunky, very energetic and still is. My son seems to not have this spunk and energy that my daughter has. What is going on here? I try and keep him and her happy all the time but it seems like I can't keep either one of them happy anymore. My daughter has became so whiney and so smart mouthed towards me that I can't control it, or maybe I just don't know how. My son won't let me go for 2 minutes without hollering for me. Has my husbands being in jail affected my son so much that he has to be on my hip at every minute? Is my daughter blaming me for his being in jail and taking it out on me by being lippy with me?

I honestly thought that my son would be okay during this whole ordeal but I am beginning to worry. What is it going to be like when my husband gets home? Is my son not going to have anything to do with him? Is my daughter going to be pissed off at him and not have anything to do with him either? Is 30 days going to traumatize my children ? Has it already?????? I am so full of questions tonight (I should say morning) that I know can not be answered. I just needed to get them out.

I believe my health is getting better, either that or I am so busy that I don't even notice it. I do have a few new symptoms from this sarcoidosis, althought I think that this is just from the steroids. I think I have roid rage! I get so pissed off at times I could pick the TV up and throw it out the wondow (don't worry I can control this temper.....anti-depressants, nerve pills). I sweat all day long and I know I probably look like the stay puff marshmallow man from ghostbusters. I have been getting bad leg cramps and charlie horses that wake me up in the middle of the night just about every other hour on the dot. These hurt really BAD! Anyway, I will not let this disease overcome me. My babies need me more than anything right now, so I take my medicine as prescribed everyday and will continue to do so for my babies (and myself).


Only a life lived for others is worth living.-Albert Einstein

BUSY AS A BEAVER

I have been busy as a beaver. I love my babies and would not give anything in the world for them but, damn...... I am tired. My boy has really clung on since his daddy has been in jail. I think he feels like if I leave I aint gonna come back for a while, so I have been giving him lots and lots of attention. My daughter... I think is just scared that her daddy isn't going to come back, but we have been marking the calendar and I have been reassuring her that he will be back. She did get to talk to him on the phone. Tuesday I had such a busy day I went and saw him at the jail. I took my kids both to the doctor. I went to file for K-tap (more government assistance)and dropped my daughter off at my aunts, so that she could have a sleepover with her cousins.

The Jail Visit

I went in with the attitude of a very disappointed, mad wife that was going to just let him have it. Well, I sort of did I don't know if anything I said sunk in or if anything I said really mattered because what matters right now are my babies. He walks in the room in a very becoming orange jumpsuit (his color all the way!) Immediately he starts crying. Damnit! that was not what I wanted to see or hear! Of course he's in jail he is gonna tell me everything I want to hear. He is going to feel sorry for hisself. He is going to cry and want sympathy. I have been in this situation before I will not let him rattle me or make me feel sorry for him. It has happened, he did this to himself but most importantly he did this to my babies!!!!!!! I will work through this. I am a good mother and I believe I am just now realizing how much of a good mother I am. I do now realize I don't need a man to raise babies it helps but I have had fun, my kids are clinging on to me and I am keeping them happy. My mama has helped me tremendously but basically I think she is trying to stand back a little and show me that I can do this on my own she lets me do it my way and I think it is working. Right now kids are in bed they have both had baths, both ate a good supper and usually at this time me and my hubby would just now be getting them ready for bed.
My Health

I went back to my doctor he says that the palpitations I was experiencing were anxiety attacks. He told me that sarcoidosis doesn't cause pain. He told me to double up on anxiety medicine and rest plllllppppppt. I have found a friend online here and we e-mail. She has set me up with a dr. in Lex. Ky that has some background with sarcoid YAY! I will keep you updated on that.

MOM

I am sorry I was late in your car I rushed home to get you the car. When I got to N*** A**** was asleep. I packed him in and let him sleep for 15-20 minutes (he was wore out and hot)I know I should've come straight home, but when I get around N** and everyone we like to visit and chat and it is hard to get away. It is also hard with two kids and managing time. I am sure that you already know this. I was never good with curfew growing up. I guess, I still aint! I will do better. Thank you for helping me so much! I really wish I had some way of showing you how much I am thankful but I am better at expressing that type of stuff written than spoken. This may change.... this miracle drug I am on- is starting to make a difference. I think I am becoming the old me! I hope so cause' I miss her!

Well I am tired. I will try and post again tomorrow. It is harder now to blog, I have less time I am a single mom for a month and I am going to make the best of it.
Good night all