Mama, Mama, Mama !

1:30 in the morning, I can't sleep. Things are very hectic right now. I have no time to keep my blog like I was. I hope I don't ramble tonight because I am so tired. I will try and fill everyone in on things that have been going on since my last blog on July the 4th. Oh by the way Happy belated 4th everyone. I wrote in my last blog that my son has become clingy since his daddy was in jail. Well, now that was a total understatement. I now have a shadow.

Mama, mama, mama, mamaaaaa!

My mother and I were sitting on the porch swing this evening watching my kids play in the yard. I looked down at my son who was sitting on the sliding board and thought to myself that he looked really sad. I looked at my mom and said to her "they are sad aren't they?"
My son is 18 months old my daughter is 4 years old, when my daughter was 18 months old she was bouncing of walls, spunky, very energetic and still is. My son seems to not have this spunk and energy that my daughter has. What is going on here? I try and keep him and her happy all the time but it seems like I can't keep either one of them happy anymore. My daughter has became so whiney and so smart mouthed towards me that I can't control it, or maybe I just don't know how. My son won't let me go for 2 minutes without hollering for me. Has my husbands being in jail affected my son so much that he has to be on my hip at every minute? Is my daughter blaming me for his being in jail and taking it out on me by being lippy with me?

I honestly thought that my son would be okay during this whole ordeal but I am beginning to worry. What is it going to be like when my husband gets home? Is my son not going to have anything to do with him? Is my daughter going to be pissed off at him and not have anything to do with him either? Is 30 days going to traumatize my children ? Has it already?????? I am so full of questions tonight (I should say morning) that I know can not be answered. I just needed to get them out.

I believe my health is getting better, either that or I am so busy that I don't even notice it. I do have a few new symptoms from this sarcoidosis, althought I think that this is just from the steroids. I think I have roid rage! I get so pissed off at times I could pick the TV up and throw it out the wondow (don't worry I can control this temper.....anti-depressants, nerve pills). I sweat all day long and I know I probably look like the stay puff marshmallow man from ghostbusters. I have been getting bad leg cramps and charlie horses that wake me up in the middle of the night just about every other hour on the dot. These hurt really BAD! Anyway, I will not let this disease overcome me. My babies need me more than anything right now, so I take my medicine as prescribed everyday and will continue to do so for my babies (and myself).


Only a life lived for others is worth living.-Albert Einstein