Today has been an awful day!
I feel like a big, stinky, slimy dog terd sitting in the yard right in the spot that everyone walks and just happens to look down. Yep that's me big ugly dog terd! I have gained over 20 pounds since moving in with my mom. I weighed 169 when I moved in now i weigh 190. Thank you creator for creating steroids! I walk around in sweat pants and over size shirts so that maybe no one will see a fat roll or two. I have a screwed up hair cut that I have to pull back with a head band because it will not do anything else. I have hairs growing out of my chin that I have to freaking shave with a ladies razor about 3 times a month or else I'd look like the bearded lady in a circus. I went from having little self esteem when I was in my teens to having alot of self esteem in my early twenties to having absolutely none now. I guess I have to except the fact that I will never weigh 120 again and that I will be overweight the rest of my life and on a krap load of medicine forever. I guess this is just one of the perks of having this damn disease. I don't feel pretty anymore. I wanna be my old self again but I have lost that person. I don't know if I will find her again. I wanna be able to do the things I used to do. I can't play with my children when I want because I am so tired or so sick. I feel like I am taking away from my childrens lives because I am sick. This is the worst feeling I have had yet. I have wanted to cry all day.
I think I will cry.
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4 comments:
Let it out baby. It's okay to cry.
I decided to write to you here, rather than on the sarc site, so that I don't mess up everything, as I didn't check the sarc page until today, 6/24.
I have sarc in my lungs, my brain and possibly in my low back. I was diagnosed with the pulmonary sarc in March, 1994, followed by the neuro sarc (brain), in 1999. I have had a lung biopsy and multiple MRIs of the brain and my entire spine.
I am glad that the hospital told you that the chest pain you are having is from the sarc. No one really cleared that up for me until last December, which really bugs me, since I am a retired RN. I guess I must have dropped off the planet for a couple of years or something! Anyway, I had chest pain so bad at one point that I was flown to another hospital where there were cardiologists available, because the doctors at our local hospital were not knowledgeable aabout sarc. I live in a small community of about 8500 people in Southwest CO, near Mesa Verde National Park. Even the altitude here can aggravate sarc, if your don't have time to get acclimated first.
Please take heart, as there is very probably going to be a time when you will be taken off steroids, and your weight will have a chance to even out or even go down. Active or Acute sarcoidosis will in most cases go into remission. That is when they lower or delete your steroids, and maybe use a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory, to help you feel better.
When you said that you are allergic to narcotics, were you for real, or were you exaggerating a little bit? I hope the answer is the latter.
Please feel free to email me at my home, at the address, vsmith9092@msn.com. I don't mind at all. If you prefer, you can also address me at the FSR Sarc Community site. My screen name is VernaMarye. It is pronounced like Verna Marie. (My parents wanted to be different!) Keep the faith!
VernaMarye
MAN, ITS 2 IN THE MORNING I PRATED ANOTER GAME FROM THE WEB AND IT TAKE LIKE AN HOUR SOMETHING TO INSTALL, IWAS BORED SO I WENT TO GOOGLE TYPED IN SLIMY TERDS AND CLIKED ON, "IM FEELING LUCKY", THIS SITE POPED UP , ANY WHAY , I DNOT KNOW WHAT SARC IS, SOUNDS PRETTY BAD,
MOMENTS LIKE THIS I SIT DOWN AND REALIZE HOW SMALL IAM, I FEEL FOR YOU PEOPELE REALLY DOO , I HOPE YALL FEEL BETTER.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
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